Scars
by xXx0Risa0xXx
Summary: Xander's lived her whole life pretending to be something she's not, male. On the day Buffy and the gang find out about The Lie, things seem to go from bad to worse. Her mom's been hiding a big secret for these past ten years...and just who's Uncle Bobby?
1. Prologue

**Author's note:** Okay, so this started off as me writing out how I was feeling when I realized just how pitiful my to date non-existent-love-life is. Reading over the very angsty passages, I realized something. My angst would fit perfectly with how cannon BTVS plot treats Xander. The I thought, hey, what if Xander was a girl, and Jessie was the only one who knew it? That just seemed too much fun to pass up, so I edited my angstyness to fit my new dream world. Then I had to think about why Xander's parents and her school didn't know she was a girl, and I came up with two choices, vengeance or crossroads demon? When the thought of a Dean/femXander pairing, I just _had_ to go for the BTVSxSPN cross. So, by the dictation of the plot bunnies, here is the first installment of my new story, _Scars_.

**Disclaimer:** Do you really have to ask? If I owned it, I might actually have a social life. Since I don't have one in real life, I don't own it. Sue and you'll get squat. I'm broke, _bine_? My wallet is a black hole, from which no monies ever return.

_**~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~**_

There's this pain in my chest that I just can't get rid of. It burns, it throbs, and sometimes it hurts so bad, I find it hard to breathe. I've shed so many tears over this pain, that sometimes I wonder if its' even worth it. But just when I think I've finally gotten rid of it, something happens to make it start back up again, even more powerful than before. So then I'll just smile, trying to hide the tears that burn behind my eyes. I've never told anyone about it, and I don't think I ever will. Too many people depend on me to be their rock, the normal one, to be the person they can turn to, no matter what. I can't lay my problems on them; they've got enough on their plates already. I'd just be a bother, besides; I've suffered in silence this long, what are a few more hours…days…years, even?

I've got a fairly good idea how my life is going to play out, and I know what people think of me. I'm going to be there for everyone else for the rest of my life, but in the end I'll be alone. I'm always alone. I mean, sure, I've got friends. I guess they're good ones, and people say I'm easy to get along with. But it's all a mask, hiding the real me from the rest of the world. I know I'll die alone. I don't just think that, I _know_ that. I know I'm not attractive. I'm plain in the looks department, I'm sarcastic with crude tendencies, and I'm really bad about sharing my feelings. My self-confidence is bi-polar, one minute I'm on the top of the world, the next I want to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of my life. Oh, and as if that weren't bad enough, everyone—even my parents!—seems to think I'm a boy! Even my so-called-best-friend-since-kindergarten thinks I'm a boy! Now that I think about it, the only person who seemed to know I was a girl the whole time was…was Jessie. Cordy figured it out, so did Anya, though they never told. But when Anya became a demon again, she forgot. Cordy? She left, so it doesn't matter. And all the while, I keep a smile plastered to my face, a shoulder free for others to lean or cry on, an ear free to listen to other's worries and problems, and a hug ready for anyone who needs it. The Zeppo. Yeah, that's me in a nut-shell, a comfort for everyone that's not me, a joke that has no one to turn to when I'm feeling down.

So I bear the pain, keep it locked up tight where no one can see it. And the days that it makes me break down and cry? I play it off as something else, just so I don't worry anyone. My friends…they just don't know the real me. They haven't even tried to look deeper. No one has…not since Jessie…but he became vamp chow. I'm just the Zeppo, the loser, Donut-'guy'. People around me are always changing, leaving me behind. Which makes me wonder, why do I stay? What's left for me here? More dead-end jobs, or doing construction for the rest of my life? Graduation's come and gone, do they really need me anymore?

But you see, despite all the reasons I have to leave, I know what keeps me here, really. I _know_ this pain, rather intimately I'm afraid. I know exactly what it is that hurts this much, what it is that dies a little inside each time they take me for granted, of forget about me altogether. It's what makes me grin and bear it, no matter how desperately I want to let it all go, just get up and leave. This pain? It's love.


	2. Meeting Uncle Bobby

**Author's note:** Here comes Chapter one of _Scars_. Updates will be sporadic, so just keep an eye out. And review, that would be very nice of you. Oh, and before I forget, another deviation from cannon BTVS up to this point is that when Buffy sent Angel to hell, she thought it was Angelus, so she didn't run away. She just thought he was playing with her emotions right before she sent him to hell. And Angel didn't come back until _after_ the whole thing with the Initiative and Spike being chipped, and Darth-Willow's little hissy-fit.

**Disclaimer:** *scrambles around apartment, looking for all contracts* Nope, I still don't own BTVS or SPN. But I _do_ own this shiny bag of NOTHING. So don't sue, that bag's like, microscopic.

_**~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~**_

**Chapter 1: Meeting Uncle Bobby**

Xander stood, frozen in place. They knew. How did they know? Her eyes locked with each of the others in the room. Giles, her surrogate father, his eyes were filed with disappointment, tempered only slightly with a glimmer of understanding. But she knew not to get her hopes up, the understanding probably came from Riper, so Giles would work doubly hard to ignore that feeling. Buffy, her eyes were filled with rage, disgust, and betrayal. No sympathy or understanding would come from that front. Oz, well, his eyes were unreadable. She wasn't even sure why he was there; he hadn't been with the group since before Willow had gone all Darth-Willow and nearly destroyed the world. But since he was sitting next to Willow, painting his nails, Xander was certain he'd picked his side. Dawn wasn't there, so Xander assumed that Buffy just didn't want her to hear what was going on. Next, it was Willow, her best friend since the yellow-crayon incident in kindergarten, _her_ Willow. Xander's heart broke once again when she saw the betrayal filling Willow's eyes. She looked at Spike, who just looked away from her. She snorted, the Big Bad, her own _roommate_, couldn't stand to look at her. Holding back tears, Xander took in a deep breath.

"How?" she asked softly. Buffy scoffed loudly.

"Did you _really_ think I wouldn't ever find out? Angel came back, _with_ his soul. He said he'd had it right before I sent him to hell. So I talked to Willow, and she told me what you were supposed to tell me. You lied, Xander. You made me send Angel, my _lover_, to hell. Leave. Just go, and don't come back. Ever," Buffy snarled, and Xander flinched.

"Alright," Xander said, her voice breaking to cover up a sob, "I'll go. With any luck, you'll never have to hear from me again." Her heart broke even further when no one tried to call her back.

/_~It's about damn time!~_/

/_=Good. Cub leave not-pack. Keep safe now?=_/

/_~Yeah, kid, gonna let Fido an' me help out now?~_/

Xander sighed as she walked out of the Magic Box and into the dark streets of Sunnydale. "Keep it down, guys," she muttered as she slowly headed home, "You don't need to be so loud when you're _in_ my head."

"It's not like we can come out when you're hangin' with the Slayer, kid." A tall man with a salt-and-pepper military-style haircut said, appearing out of thin air. Xander rolled her eyes. An extremely large hyena popped into existence on the other side of Xander, and sent her what could only be called a 'puppy dog face'.

"Cub. Keep safe now?" The face coupled with the pitiful tone was too much, and Xander visibly caved. With an exasperated smile, Xander scratched behind the alpha hyena's ear and nodded.

"Sure," she said with a fond sigh, "You can keep me safe now, Fido." Fido grinned toothily, and Xander sighed. "You're going to be messing around with my body, aren't you?" she said suspiciously. Fido threw her head back and laughed. Sighing again she said, "Go ahead; have at it." Fido nodded and disappeared. When the soldier opened his mouth, she cut him off with, "No, Tackleberry, _you_ have to train me the old fashioned way."

"I told you not to call me that! My name's _Jack_! Jack O'Neill, two L's! How many times do I have to tell you that?" Jack griped. "Besides, why not? You'll get the muscle memory much faster that way." Xander shrugged.

"I watched Police Academy last night. And I kinda want to learn the hard way." They had reached the front porch of her house, so she sighed and looked Jack in the face. "Look, you can help Fido build up my muscles, but the only 'training' I want you to just 'give' me is weapons training. I need that more than I need hand-to-hand. The stuff I've already learned through experience will last me until we've got time for you to train me properly. Now, go away or hide, or whatever it is you do when you're not here. I can't let _them_ see you." Jack sighed, but nodded.

"I'll make you leave them if I have to, kid," he said, nodding towards the house, "They aren't exactly runners-up for a 'Parents of the Year' award." With that, he faded into nothing.

"After tonight, I might just let you," she whispered before quietly sneaking into the house. As she crept past the kitchen, the light turned on. Her breath froze in her chest, and her heart pounded in her ears. If it was her dad, she was looking forward to a few broken bones along with a plethora of bruises. If it was her mom, she was looking forward to a 'stern talking-to', which translates to some drunken words slurred at her about how much she'd sacrificed for their family, making it stay together. Either way, getting caught was _never_ a pleasant experience.

"Xander?" a soft voice called. She turned slowly, surprised. Okay, so it as her mom. Her drunken slob of a mother, who had never called her anything but her real name before now, so that was kinda weird.

"Y-yes, mom?" Xander asked carefully, a bit worried about her mom's odd behavior.

"Xander, I…I'm," she took in a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, "I'm sending you away." Xander felt the shock run through her body.

"Wha-what?"

"I'm sending you away, to my brother. You'll be safe there." Xander shook her head.

"Safe? Mom, safe from what? What's going on? Since when have you had a brother?" She just smiled sadly and picked up a duffle bag from the table in front of her before ushering Xander out of the front door.

Avoiding the questions being asked of her she said, "I packed everything in your room, even the Holy water and weapons, and that stuff in the loose floorboards in your closet. Your plane leaves in an hour, I need to get you to the airport. Now, Bobby doesn't know that you're coming, but just tell him Jessica Lavelle Harris née Singer sent you, and you'll be fine." With that, she shoved Xander into the passenger side of the car before getting behind the wheel and starting off to the airport. Shocked, Xander went over the new facts of her life. First, her mom was in the know about what goes bump in the night. This was reasonable; after all, they _did_ live on the Hellmouth. There was only so much the human mind can suppress until they start noticing some things. Second, her mom had a sibling. This too was reasonable, and it finally explained her dad's bi-weekly rants about 'that no-good little shit, Robert'. Third, her plane was leaving very soon. That meant her mom had been planning this for a while, which made Xander wonder just what her mom was trying to keep her safe from. Finally, her uncle didn't know she was coming.

/_Hold the phone, he doesn't know I'm coming? What the hell?_/

/_~I think your mom's got a few more screws loose than usual, kid,~_/ Jack commented as Xander turned in her seat to stare at her mother incredulously, /_~How does she expect you to prove to this Bobby character that you're really his niece? Hell, does he even know he _has_ a niece?~_/

"Mom," she said, watching as they parked in front of the airport, "Does this guy even know I exist?" Jessica Harris reached out to grab her daughter's hand.

"Listen, sweetie," she said seriously, "I have a confession to make. I…it's _my_ fault everyone thinks you're a boy." Xander blinked, not knowing what to think. Deciding to throw it off as a joke, she smirked.

"So…I can blame you for my name?" Jessica Harris's lips twitched into a smile before she shook her head lightly.

"Xander, I'm being serious. This is for your own safety, _please_ don't make light of this." Xander's eyes hardened. If her mom wanted her to take this seriously, then she'd do so.

"Then, why, mom? _Why_ did you need everyone to think I'm a girl? And how the hell did you fool the doctor about it, anyway?" Xander's hard gaze faltered when she saw the tears welling in her mother's eyes. "Mom?" she prompted, her tone gentler.

"You weren't supposed to be named Alexander," her mom said with a sad smile, "Originally you were going to be called Alexandra. When the doctors asked what you were going to be named, I was so tired that I said 'Alexander' instead of 'Alexandra'. But you loved your name, you refused to go by Alex, you always insisted on Alexander. Or, you did until the first day you went to kindergarten. That's when you said that you'd start going by Xander." She laughed in a chocked manner, then continued, "I remember thinking that you were just so adorable, such a little tomboy that even your nickname was very masculine. We were a happy family, you know? Tony had a steady job, I was in nursing school, and you were such a bright little girl…"

"What changed?" Xander asked, Jack and Fido sending her curious vibes. Jessica Harris looked at her hands and sighed heavily.

"Tony was laid off, and he started to drink. He became more and more violent, and started treating you differently. He would get mad and start throwing things, saying that you were a mistake, that if I'd given him a son things would be different, things would be better. Then on your eighth birthday, he…he…" when her mom started to cry, Xander pulled her into a hug. She had a bad feeling as to where this was going, and she wasn't so sure she wanted to know the truth any more. After a while, the tears stopped and she continued speaking. "He was going to sell you." Xander nodded, a bit confused.

"Yeah, I remember that. He wanted to sell me to some Armenians, but you got home before he could finish the sale." Jessica shook her head.

"It wasn't Armenians, Xander," she said softly, her eyes sad, "Or at least, not exactly. He wanted to sell you to…he was going to sell you to a brothel, one that catered to…to demons." Xander's eyes grew wide, and she shook her head in disbelief.

"How'd you stop him?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer. Jessica sighed, and stepped out of the car.

"Grab your things, Xander," she said, "We need to get you to the plane." Once they were on their way into the terminal, she continued, "After threatening to call someone I knew that…_deals_…with demons, Tony and the dealer left, probably to get some drinks to 'mourn the loss of the sale'. I went to the crossroad by the school and summoned a crossroads demon. I made a deal, that everyone's memories of your being a girl would be erased, and that your real gender would be kept safe from everyone. The demon changed did something to you that made it impossible for humans and demons alike to find out that you were a girl. The deal was for ten years, and then all of the extra protection would be gone. I've researched it, everyone's memories will remain as they are now, but the fact that you're a girl won't be hidden from their senses anymore." Jessica looked her daughter in the eye, desperation plain on her face. "Please, Xander, you must understand," she said softly, "It was the only way I could think to keep you safe!"

/_~It explains a lot, kid,~_/ Jack mentioned softly, /_~And the time limit explains why Cordy, Fido, and I were able to tell you were a girl, it's starting to wear off.~_/

/_=Cub is alpha.=_/ Fido stated plainly, as if that explained everything. And to her, it probably did. Alpha hyenas were always female, after all.

/_And my birthday's tomorrow,_/ Xander mused, /_So if something's coming after mom, then she wants me out of the way so I don't get hurt by the backlash…_/

"Okay, mom, I understand," Xander said, "I'll go to Uncle Bobby's." Jessica smiled gratefully and pulled Xander into a warm hug.

"I love you, sweetie," she said tearfully, pulling back from the hug after a few seconds, "Here's your bag, ticket, and a protection charm for your luggage. It will fool security long enough to make sure your bags won't set off any alarms. You stay safe for me, baby girl." And with that, Xander was left alone to catch her plane to an Uncle she'd never seen in her life.

As she boarded the plane, she realized something. "Hey, mom didn't tell me if he knew I existed or not!"

_**~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~**_

Xander stood in front of a car junkyard with a rusty sign over the gate that read '_Singer's Auto Yard_'. The flight hadn't been all that bad, and she thought she'd done very well for it being her first time on a plane. The lady she'd sat next to was very nice, and had even offered to give her a lift to her Uncle's place when she found out where Xander was headed. Which led to where she was now, debating as to whether or not she should brave the yard to meet this mysterious uncle of hers.

/_~Just go for it, kid,~_/ Jack urged, /_~Just go in there, knock on the door, and introduce yourself.~_/

"I know, damnit!" she growled under her breath. As she walked into the maze of car parts, Xander smirked lightly. "You know, Jack," she said in a light tone, "You _could_ come with me. This so-called uncle of mine doesn't know that I don't know the real you, so if you come with me, I can say you're like, my personal trainer or something." Jack appeared next to her.

"Yeah, and we can bring along Fido and make it a real party," he snarked. Fido popped up in front of them, grinning widely.

"Go with cub?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. Xander and Jack exchanged looks. Fido couldn't really pretend to be a dog, she was as hyena-ish a hyena could get. Knowing that arguing with a primal alpha hyena spirit was useless, Xander nodded.

"But you absolutely _can't_ speak, okay, Fido?" When Fido nodded excitedly, Xander grinned. "Well," she said, "Let's get this freak show on the road!"

_**~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~**_

"Come on, Bobby, it's _me_!" Robert Singer stared down the barrel of his shotgun at the _thing_ pretending to be Dean Winchester.

"Ya gotta come up with a better story than that," he growled, "Dean Winchester's been dead for six months!" The not-Dean rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, like you and Sam didn't do this," the not-Dean said exasperatedly, "You think I didn't already do the tests? Would a shape-shifter do _this_, huh?" He pulled a silver knife out of his boot, steeled himself, and then dug long, shallow cut in his upper arm. "It's _me_, Bobby." Bobby lowered the gun, and then laughed.

"Goddamn, if it ain't good to have ya back, Dean. C'mon in." When they reached the kitchen, Bobby grabbed a flask of holy water and threw it over Dean. When all that happened was Dean getting soaked, he smirked.

"Bobby, what the hell? I'm not a fucking demon!" Dean exclaimed, wiping water off of his face. Bobby shrugged.

"Just had to be sure, kid." Just then, someone knocked on the door. Dean and Bobby looked at the door, then at each other.

"Expecting company, Bobby?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow. Bobby just shook his head, and walked over to the door.

"Hey, look, no one's home! Let's just leave—" a girl's voice said from the other side of the door when it was cut off by the voice of an older man.

"Not so fast, kid," the man said, humor evident in his tone, "Your mom said to get you here, so we're here. Besides, we can't exactly go back, now can we?" The girl sighed.

"Yeah," she conceded, "I guess you're right. But this would be so much easier if he knew I was coming! Why did mom have to be so haphazard about all of this?" And that was when Bobby opened the door, pointing his shotgun at the two people standing outside of it. As he looked at them he amended, two people, and big—was that a _hyena_?

"Who the fuck are you, and what the hell do you want?" he asked, eying them warily. The girl gulped visibly, staring wide-eyed at the gun in his hands. The man just rolled his eyes and waited for the girl to say something, and the hyena growled at him.

"Um, well, you see," the girl started to babble, "You wouldn't happen to be Bobby Singer, would you? Because if you are, I'm supposed to tell you that Jessica Lavelle Harris née Singer sent me. ',andhe'smydad',you'reobviouslynothim,''tknowyouandshedidn'ttellmeifyouknewaboutmeornot,andIdon'treallyknowwhattodo—(1)" Her babble was cut off when the older man put his hand over her mouth and shook his head.

"Excuse her," he said with a wry grin, "She babbles when she gets nervous. Let's do this the easy way. I'm Jack O'Neill, this is Xander Harris, and her pet, Fido. We're here to see a Bobby Singer. Do you know him?"

"I'm Bobby," Bobby said, lowering his gun to stare incredulously at the people in front of him, "What do you want?" After looking sternly at the girl (Xander), the man (Jack) took his hand off of her mouth. Taking a deep breath, Xander began to speak.

"Um, there's really no easy way to say this, so I'll just spit it out," she said nervously, "You're my uncle."

_**~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~**_

To be continued…

_**~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~**_

(1): This section of babble reads as the following: "Which is weird because Jessica is my mom and she says you're my uncle. But the only uncle I know of is Uncle Rory, and he's my dad's brother. But, you're obviously not him, and mom was really worried and said it wasn't safe so she sent me to you. But I don't know you and she didn't tell me if you knew about me or not, and I don't really know what to do—"


End file.
